There is a plot twist on who the "protagonist" truly is, and once MC figures it out, there is even more confusion on how to feel about this character. MC, himself, remains apathetic and coldly applies this knowledge to achieve his goal.

So first, the MC.

I think what compelled me to review this is because others would say that the MC is too cruel and indifferent— to which, I respectfully disagree. But I know why people are saying that amd I guess you could say that of him, but I believe his cruelty and indifference is not done excessively or unnecessarily so. MC has some good layered emotions. I find him a good-natured person with his own principles. The reason why he is so indifferent is because he needs to be. And well, adding the thousand years of reincarnation for one world, how could you keep being sane without removing yourself from the maddening, tragic situation? Remember that for the first arc, before he had his memories, he was loyal, self-sacrificing, and loving. I just want to emphasize that, that was him, his soul and his life path. He was truly capable of being that person. Once he regained his memories, he would have remembered the repeated pain and anguish. I think that is why the MC is amazing. Rather than focusing on revenge or wallow in grief (completely understandable), he steeled himself, made the original him his higher consciousness without further question, and became driven to escape from his horrible fate.

And plus, another small reason why he's not indifferent is his relationship with the eunuch friend (F something with a b and an h?). Wasn't he looking out for that eunuch friend of his? He didn't need to but he asked the emperor to let that eunuch friend transfer somewhere he'll have it easier. And even after, when MC used eunuch friend, MC didn't have any plans to harm him and tried to protect him when the regent threatened his safety. MC was also happy for him at the end when he found love. MC was not terribly attached to the eunuch friend but because the eunuch friend kind of helped and was worried for MC, MC was fair to him and he's kind of sentimental like that. He still showed signs of caring in a world he could care less and less about.

Another reason he's good-natured is how he doesn't necessarily feel or take pleasure from hurting the owner of the realm. MC's just driven to go back. He is mostly indifferent to them because as mentioned prior, he needs that indifference to keep going amidst the torturous pain, to keep being level-headed for all the times he needed to forego his principles and his valued pride. And that indifference doesn't translate to being heartless.

Actually, I find it peculiar that he was so honest when Murong Xiu asked MC if he was planning to kill him and MC unbashedly said yes. I don't know but was he sure at that point for the feelings of Murong Xiu for him that even if he dropped his pretenses, Murong Xiu would accept that (he did but more on that later). MC straightforwardly revealed he needed him to die and that he remembers his memories. Somewhat objectively, not a good call, that's why my guess is because he was tired of lying. He's a pretty ethical and righteous person, it's really the situation that drove him to change.

To add, there are points where it feels like he's breaking. Like he's too tired of everything. I mean imagine what he's been through for thousands of years. Would anger really be enough to fend off the madness that comes from a loop of being used, being seen as worthless, and being killed without regard? Or is there a breaking point where everything becomes laughable and you extract yourself to part ways from the suffocating despair?

You know, I appreciate MC here more than other MCs from other qt novels because other MCs seem so sure, so confident even if they just transmigrated (I mean we're humans living on this earth, in one world only since birth but have we adapted to all the situations that life brings us?) Especially if they're too cool with everything and experience no real setbacks, no signs of panic, confusion or being lost, or being mad that their plans are not working (unless they're very experienced of course, but even then, I like vulnerabilities, the sort they do not really show).

MC here is not only numb because he doesn't care, it's a result of caring too much that it has exhausted the life out of you and you hang on to a single thread of hope and sanity— which for him is going back to his master. I don't think he's even attached to his prior selves in the worlds he was in. For the first arc, I'm sure if he was to pick being the loyal eunuch or the high immortal he was, he would pick the latter. And picking the latter is a decision he continues to make in every world, whether consciously or subconsciously. And the more he goes on to return to his orginal reality, the more he needs to persevere and do things he doesn't agree with. Poor soul.

And the small bit is this: isn't it wonderful how the author made you feel differently for the characters? At first, the MC was the pitiful one, the chara you want to succeed, but then even though MC and his goals did not change, he seemed more cruel— because the MLs changed.

Murong Xiu was hateful, then okay, then confusingly hateful, then pitiful. Ni Xiyan (? Is that his name?) was absurdly hateful, then confusingly sweet, then pitiful.

And for Murong Xiu, wasn't it spectacularly executed how he used to not care for the MC, looking at his worth like an ant; then being intrigued and slowly being more attracted to him— but still completely on Murong Xiu's own terms where he still thinks of himself as the higher being; then being too dependent and falling in love completely; then the next, after he was killed, he became more obsessive when he realized that he can't let him go even though MC killed him and he was traumatized. Then after capturing him, he treated him both harshly and warmly like his own complicated feelings. But realizing that he'd rather make MC accept him and stay with him forever.

And lastly, after finding out that his efforts were futile and MC wanted to kill him regardless, he was angry. Yet his love made him seek any scrap of love the MC could willingly give. It made him more understanding of the MC even though he did not know why MC needed to kill him. I was surprised at the end, when he asked MC if MC would be happy after he died. MC said yes and instead of showing signs of grief or anger, Murong Xiu said to MC that it's good that he's happy and told him about some things he'd leave for MC's well-being. He was also scared in disappointing MC so he persevered in battle to return alive.

By the end, his actions were focused on the MC rather than him who loves and needs the MC. His love surprisingly became sort of unconditional.

And that started from the complete indifference of an emperor looking at a plain eunuch whose worth is based on his usefulness as a servant and a tool. And the journey to loving MC was without the help of a seductive beautiful face.

What a nice journey. Author's great.

He hates himself who has changed, who has to crawl into these heartthrobs' bed, who has to kiss one person in the morning and then kiss another person in the evening. That was the start of his breaking point, actually, to get entangled with multiple people and realized what he had become.

MC got tired of it all too. The constant deception, calculating his actions, the loss of moral and dignity, enduring humiliation after humiliation and never getting the upper hand--I appreciated it when, in a very realistic manner, MC chose to unalive himself to get away from a world that wore him down. That was the moment I thought, 'ah yes. Had I been him, I would've chosen that too.'

I got to see a flawed, weary, jaded MC who tried his best to get out of a quagmire despite his weakness, his hopeful and hopeless moments, and wanting to let it all go. Only the thought that his master and his senior brother waiting for him gave him the strength to move forward, and sometimes, even he had to apologize to them for being so exhausted that he decided to give up.

Original ending was very satisfying. It's HE without romance, but the extras that follows provides the romance. If you stop at the original, it made sense and gratifying enough. If you continue, you'll get to see ML's happy end and MC who continue to live on.

The heartthrobs are 1 ML. While MC was punished in these realms, the realms were actually a prison for ML and so the realm masters/heartthrobs are ML. All of them are different kinds of yandere, not a copy.

1 Ancient China - Emperor, Regent Gongs and Eunuch MC

2 Xianxia (?) - Gentleman, Island Lord Gongs and Celestial Body MC

3 Vampire aristocratic modern - Duke Friend, s*ave Gongs and Duke MC

4 Apocalypse - more successful fellow idol, fellow idol's cross-dressing Gongs and idol MC

5 Ancient China - Champion Scholar (forgot the term, no.1 in minister test), General Gongs and Emperor MC

6 Xuanhuan (animal spirit and monk) - Nine-tailed fox spirit, Monk, Evil sect leader Gongs and Squirrel/Dragon spirit MC

7 ABO modern - Alpha Ex-fiancee, Omega guardee, Omega's Alpha brother Gongs and Beta MC

8 Xuanhuan (ghost) - Scholar, Martial artist Gongs and Ghost MC

- Too tired to type short descriptions, but my faves are realm 1, 4, 5, 7, 8.

- ML that aren't too hateful, previous actions and character-wise, are in realm 4 and 7 and both died to save MC.

- Most memorable plot for me, realm 5.

- Realm 8's ending hit different. It is also the closing arc, so that's probably why.

Not just for the MC in his individual worlds, but also for side characters, such as FuYaoEr (the Jade Emperor’s “son” (he was quite pitiful, and died tragically

The minimal amount of people that MC “ensnares” is always 2, the original “couple” of that world, though for the 9 tailed fox arc there are (from what I remember) 4, with one of the less mentioned of the 4 actually making a brief reappearance in both the arc’s extra and the story ending.

I would say for the main couple, it was okay, not that satisfying, but it could be said as a HE. Though for that Emperor's son, I was hoping both he and the Emperor should just die for making both MC and ML suffered through those reincarnation, killing each other and getting humiliated just to survive like this, but at the end of the day, I still find myself pity this Yizhen because of his background story.

Also, this one is the first QT story that I've ever read with a real Mpreg. Like, MC was literally having a pregnancy in that world, gave birth through C-section and at the end of the day, even got the little seed out to his real world. And it was an apocalypse world, too. Damn it was so satisfying though the ending was still sad.

successfully.

In one arc he totally broke down & cried because he knew that he - in order to break free - did something his past self would never have allowed. „I became someone I absolutely detested" (or something very similar).

And I was glad that ML brought their bun from the previous arc to reality, MC really needed both of them to heal from all of this (that all applies to me, their dumpling really made me cry)

I wish the author rather tortured that disgusting Heavenly Emperor than a quick death, his sins are greater/spoiler]

I also wish for an AU for the apocalypse arc and the ABO arc😭