my first cry while reading was when he cried alone after having a day out with his friend and avoiding contact or mentions about Xue Yaozu because he thought Xue Yaozu was a hallucination that he made up in order to protect himself (think of something like a imaginary friend, a bodyguard) and from then on I cried at every chapter :)

su*cide by jumping off a building

ML had a crush on MC since their years in school. MC had helped ML cross a bridge when he was scared and when he had to sing on stage at school. They also had an exchange event in which they went to each other's houses. ML witnessed MC being sad when his parents were fighting and ML held MC while he was crying in his sleep.

ML contributes his success in life to MC's encouragement when he was young. ML said he grew stronger and became successful to be able to protect MC.

ML blackmailed MC into dating him again. MC had an inferiority complex and didn't think he was worthy of ML but ML said he'd kill himself. So MC agreed to go back with him. No worries, the scene wasn't full of blood and tears, it was a cutesy exchange between them that I'm sure will repeat itself many times throughout their years together. :)

I was snapped when big bro just up and locked MC in his study room. I mean, you can say he want to help MC from giving his body to others just because of him who rejected MC but man, at least be more gentle or something like soften MC into listen to you. Don't f*cking reject his crazy illness bruh. You act more like a child than the sicko himself. =_= he got beaten up by ML at the end so lucky you man. You might have eat my wrath if not for ML helping you ^^

My main issue with this story is so much wasted potential. The author comes up with interesting scenes but they are either quickly resolved or don't get explored. Having the readers question with parts of the MC life is real or not is brilliant, but is only used at the beginning and the MC quickly admits his lies. This made at first think "oh he tends to lie to himself, now I need to pay attention and question everything", but no after that everything the MC thinks of and who he interacts with are real. Even the outlandish plots that are obviously not real, that he comes up for himself are noted by him that it's because of his paranoia. Which is a shame. I used my big girl brain, for a story that didn't need her. When I saw the MC try to get his friend to avoid the ML, I got excited. I thought it was a hint of the ML not being real. But, when the MC himself questioned it, I immediately was disappointed. Now I knew he had to be real.

Then I thought ok, this can still work. Having the MC believe the ML is fake can still be really interesting, but no he quickly realizes he real, everything is real. So what is he so paranoid about! Most of his paranoid thoughts are fleeting and are quicky forgotten. I only have a very slight understanding of paranoia, since I had a bad reaction to some medicine. But, during my episodes, I would think about s*upid sh*t for hours. I remember I took out all the dishes and books and etc. Off shelves and cabinets because I convinced myself that a tornado was coming. That just on example but, The MC never had a full blown episode like that. He mainly stay normal except for sometimes talking out loud or being too in his head. The only actions I remember him doing because of his paranoia are him putting up cameras and having his siblings take his phone away. (Which actually triggered me a bit because I'm like "what if someone hacks your camera or what if you need to have your phone beside you incase of an emergency" 😂) Just disappointed that the MC didn't seemed that "crazy" to me.

I do however love how sometimes the MC thoughts are answered by the ML revealing that he sometimes think out loud. I imagine him biting his thumb nail while whispering to himself. Also there is a lack of ML's story. We get a little but, it's mainly centered around the MC.