Being taken in at age 3 and then repeatedly disciplined and confined with no true ability to escape or resist, his trauma is very deeply rooted, and his attachments to the god of his tribe and to his tribe itself are not something that can be extracted out of his personhood. Rather, the teachings and restrictions imparted upon him as the Cenglu Yan Guan are so inextricably linked to his being that to tear them out would also be to remove part of himself, something that he must grapple with as he finds himself unable to deny his feelings for Bai Yin.

Once they get together, while Bai Yin's mentality has mostly shifted, Mochuan still continues to struggle with balancing his love for Bai Yin with his role as Yan Guan, as this isn't just an identity that he can leave behind. He cares very deeply about the younger generation of his tribe especially, and has a very self-sacrificial and protective mentality over them, not wanting them to have to experience the same traumas as he did, and wishing freedom for them where he was denied. The novel ends with him not completely healed, as there really is no perfect solution here, but rather with him working towards a balance that allows him to be present both as Mochuan and Pinjia.

Really just such a wonderfully written novel, and any potential flaws in the storytelling are completely unnoticeable to me with how much I loved the character settings and the overall plot progression. The last extra was ridiculous but equal parts hilarious, with Bai Yin basically impersonating the Mountain God and fooling the elders into pretty much blessing his marriage to Mochuan. I guess whatever gets the happy ending lol, but yeah either way it's a perfect 10 for me!