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Rating(3.6 / 5.0, 62 votes)
5    47% (29 votes)
4    15% (9 votes)
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2023
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Complete - 3 sidestories yet to be published in COO
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Weekly Rank: #16275
Monthly Rank: #19727
All Time Rank: #10056
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On 661 Reading Lists
Monthly Rank: #28573
All Time Rank: #11921

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University student Jaehee Lee barely manages to return to school after struggling with his family’s debt. It’s here he finds himself immediately attracted to the beautiful Shinhyeok Woo, who seems to come from a world entirely different from his own.

Struggling to manage the demands of his daily life, Jaehee hides his feelings until a group assignment in their shared class forges a connection between them.

When Jaehee unintentionally discovers a hidden side to Shinhyeok, he’s terrified. But Shinhyeok had already firmly engraved himself into Jaehee, scorching his body like a fireball and plunging his world into a rain that never stops.

**

*ML: Shinhyeok Woo, 23 years old. A beast hiding his violent nature behind a nice exterior. One day, he discovers Jaehee Lee’s gaze on him and it piques his interest. Jaehee is easy to touch and doesn’t seem to be a problem.

*MC: Jaehee Lee, 24 years old. Growing up as the youngest child in a poor and violent family, he is gentle and slightly helpless. After struggling with his family’s debt, he barely manages to return to school when he meets Shinhyeok Woo, who catches his eye. Shinhyeok is too beautiful and cold to get close to.

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처우
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Recommendations
Turns Out I’m Crazy (1)
Unable to Move (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Currently Reading
  2. To Read pt 4
  3. Dark BLs I found
  4. Impardonnable
  5. List KR 2

Latest Release

Date Group Release
01/05/25 vanessa jayde... v1
Write a Review
6 Reviews sorted by


BitterDaisy
BitterDaisy rated it
July 20, 2024
Status: c8
It's like reading two story. From the male lead pov, its a overbearing CEO and his canary.

But MC point of view, it's so painful and heart wrenching. He is in so much pain, death would have been better. I even felt that MC should die so that he couldn't feel so much pain anymore.

It's also astonishing that ML cannot really gauge his pain. His poverty, debt, sickness, mental pain.... ML knows, can imagine, just cannot feel it. When I was reading chapter 8, it didn't seem like much, mc's pain,... more>> that's how I know, ML cannot feel it or doesn't care.

It's also true, without Ml, MC wouldn't end up much better. MC has a warped view of the world and himself. It's said people who get used to ab*se, expects ab*se. They cannot deal with gentleness. Every time ML tries to do better, MC forces him back to roughness.

I secretly wish that someone gentle will find MC and treat him better. But people like MC unknowingly attracted towards violence. Which is why he fell in love with the ML. It's often mentioned that he and his mother could recognize those violent people. Still he's drawn towards ML. He'll appreciate kindness but will never fall in love with this.

I especially love how author expressed the time in season instead of year.

MC pov was so beautifully written, I want to give the author hundreds hugs.

I know how difficult it is to write something violent or sad.

Also, MC is many ways an unreliable narrator. This tag should be added.

ML is heartless and doesn't care about MC s pain. Later he becomes gentle not because he understands mc's pain but he's afraid MC is going to die any moment.

Some people might argue about moral or MC should end up with someone better.

The truth is, they are twisted people, so their love is twisted too. (No matter how innocent the MC is, he's also has twisted psychology) It's better not to gauge their love with normal mentality. <<less
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SailorJuniper
SailorJuniper
January 3, 2025
Status: Completed
It looks like this is gone, but I want to review it. This is a highly toxic relationship; there are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. This is a 'bird in cage' type fic where the ML accomplishes his goal; the pretty bird is trapped in a cage and doesn't fight back because he genuinely has no options.

This is a fair warning that if you need a toxic fic to have a 'redemption arc, ' this is not the fic for you.

While the ML does become more gentle towards... more>> the end, this is, in large part, because he realizes that the MCs body is so weak he could literally die if he keeps forcing him to have such rough, violent, and brutal s*x. Again, I want to be clear that ML does not change. He's stuck in his way of 'loving' MC. He hits him less, and the s*x is less violent, but he's always going to be controlling and possessive. Ultimately, ML gets pretty much everything he wants, while MC gets a fancy prison home and gourmet food at the cost of sacrificing his freedom.

Spoiler

I say this because everything ML gives to MC (like the opportunity to finish college) can be taken away at the drop of a dime anytime ML feels like it -- he even threatens Jaehee that he'll leave him homeless on the street with his mother if he doesn't behave...

ML consistently refers to Jaehee as his 'penthouse pet' and sees himself as 'training him' to do little more than be attractive and tend to his s*xual needs -- sure, there is some shallow sense of growth at the end (he moves out of the penthouse apartment where he first r*ped Jaehee in understanding that it's probably causing him some trauma). Still, the truth is the development is confined to ML's comfort levels... at one point, ML says: 'I'm not letting someone [Jaehee] who looks like this out of my sight.' and then ejaculates (he forces Jaehee to fellatio him) to the thought that he's the 'owner' of Jaehee... his paranoia of Jaehee being with someone else will never allow them to have an equal relationship and his size (he's physically much bigger and stronger), wealth and power only exacerbate the inequality because Jaehee literally can't fight back and does not have any money or resources or even a single friend he can turn to. Also, ML is most comfortable when he has total control over Jaehee and what Jaehee does or is exposed to... he's also insanely jealous of anyone Jaehee expresses any affection towards, including Jaehee's own mom, who he ends up using to further control Jaehee by buying the building her shop is in... meaning that Jaehee has to behave or risk his mom going out of business and being in financial ruin... he also 100% gets off on controlling how much Jaehee gets to see his mom, and turns it into something that Jaehee has to 'earn' through 'good behavior.' ML even controls what type of books Jaehee gets access to because he doesn't want him getting ideas about being independent instead of just accepting his fate as MLs s*x toy...

[collapse]

Some additional warnings in that this fic contains s*xual humiliation by way of public s*x, where the MC is forced by the ML in public on at least three occasions, including twice in front of the MLs security staff... he also forces MC to do PDA with him in front of his boss who is sort of his only acquaintance which humiliates MC. His boss is very astute in understanding that Jaehee is in an abusive relationship and even encourages Jaehee to report it to the police, but ultimately understands it's moot.

Speaking of which... this fic also contains much physical violence. ML hits/slaps MC quite often and violently r*pes him numerous times. This starts in college, pauses for 3 years, and then starts again right where it left off when ML and MC coincidentally cross paths as Jaehee is headed home after leaving work. ML gets off on sexually dominating Jaehee, physically abusing him, and controlling him. He confines MC in his home and tells him he only needs to look good and have s*x with him for the rest of his life. The ML does actually see this as being a relationship and gets mad at Jaehee for not seeing them as being a 'couple'... he see's Jaehee as his 'wife' and wants Jaehee to easily fall into a domestic role once he's moved him into his housee. He also calls Jaehee his penthouse pet though... just to give you an idea of how mixed his signals are... ML is not all bad though. Ultimately he cares about MC, he wants to give him money and shelter and for him to be healthy. He worries about his health and even remembers MCs birthday when no one but his mother ever cared. He tries to get Jaehee to talk more and be more open about what he's thinking -- though this is in large part due to his need to control everything about Jaehee and his paranoia that Jaehee is always thinking of ways to leave/escape. Obviously ML is toxic, but again, he does genuinely love Jaehee in his own way and sees them as being in an exclusive relationship, referring to Jaehee as a 'rich mans wife' many times.

Speaking of the MC, he is not weak or cowardly. He's introverted, and he needs a bit of time to get his thoughts together, but when he decides to cut ties or escape, he does these things with firm conviction. The reality is that ML has much more money and power and uses them to his full advantage. I know people think the MC should have been more vocal and said no more decisively, but the reality is, none of that would've mattered with the ML because he doesn't care about consent or anything... Jaehee is one of those people who dealt a tr*sh hand in life; his parents are tr*sh, his brother is tr*sh, and he's in poor health. Even his good looks are a burden as they attract pe*verts who attempt to SA him, including a fellow classmate he thought was a friend back in HS. Jaehee is not a quitter, though; even though he's been dealt a hard hand, he still retains a sense of optimism and tries his best. He works hard and has a strong sense of morals and ethics. Jaehee had a massive crush on ML in college, and they ultimately fit because Jaehee is used to being ab*sed by the people he loves... in fact, it's when ML tries to be gentle that scares him; he needs violence because he doesn't really know how to conceptualize pure happiness either. They overcome it in a rather rushed/sloppy ending, but ultimately, Jaehee is not mentally weak, which makes the story so interesting. His POV is engaging because while he's 'accepting' of what happens to him, it's not indefinite acceptance. He sees every instance as a bargaining chip, always intending to find a way out of his situation. <<less
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spicyilitretchicken
spicyilitretchicken rated it
September 3, 2024
Status: --
I have to hand it to the author to figure out new ways to torture MC using such good vocablary... This book is definitely not for everyone- But if you are a fan of SQC's works, this book will appear like some damn king ruling all... ONLY 21 FRICKIN CHAPTERS BUT IT HAS THE STRENGTH OF MAKING STRONG MEN CRY.

On a serious note, I wonder how the MC is just tolerating all of this, like at what point will he break- I am only halfway, but this sh*t is getting... more>> worser with each passing minute.

Its funny that even though you do cry for the MC, you hope for this 1 moment of peace that he can feel so you keep on reading. You gotta be a real masochistic or indifferent person to stomach this.

This story reminds me of Hua Hua You long but liek in modern setting and if there is the scumiest of the scum... then thats the ML

There is a chapter where the Ml's point of view is written, and by reading it you get an idea as to why he treats the MC the way he does. That dude has no clue the pain and suffering MC goes through. I would have found it easier to read through ML's pov throughout the entire book- but MC's pov is just heart breaking man. What new ways does ML even come up with lmaoo its patheitc. <<less
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Tiniwow
Tiniwow rated it
December 3, 2024
Status: --
This story shows a real phenomenon which happens a lot with toxic relationships and ab*se. The man the most powerful one, prays on the weak one and instead of helping their partner they use their cirumstations to trap them. They see a person with not a lot of money, or a person that dosent have a backing system and they trap it. Control their body, violate it. They make them indebted in money. They try to isolate them from all people. They use fear and power. This is a clear... more>> example of that. Just know that a man can make you reach new lows.

Man this one was a journey. Not a good one still a memorable one. Well this one is angsty and really shows pure pure ab*se in his deepest pits. when the MC wanted to d1e, I wanted to d1e too. It was so heartbreaking I had to just break down crying multiple times. However what I liked here were 2 things. 1. The writing is very real and great. Psychologically it had sense too even tho reading it you are like wtf is wrong with some?!?! 2 I didnt normalize ab*se or sa. both the MCs had to deal with it the rest of their lives. What I didnt like were a lot but I didnt like the ending it was a bit rushed... and it didnt feel complete. Well yk we dealt with 18 chapters of pure trauma and ab*se and it just got soften out of nowhere in the last ch. Also I wish they would just go their own way. They personalities are too different man.

Spoiler

the seme is f*cking shit. And idgaf about his story. He ab*sed him so bad there wont be therapy for the dude. The worst? He knew all this time what he did was sa what he did is fu cking s hit and he got off of that. He locked him up and still wanted more as if you dont have it all. He will continue to sa him. He liked uke just because hes pretty, lol and he broke him so bad and now that they're cant act as a person anymore he is mad. He wants sass and love from uke and still dosent get it he will never get that because he ruined him as a person.

[collapse]

Spoiler

well uke has one flaw in which my opinion is understandable but still a flaw. He dosent say no. Ik he did say no and was sa ed badly but still there are some situations where he should speak up. He should have gone and reported the ab*se. He should have cutted off his sh*t mother and brother. He should have spat on the seme and called out his contradictory and shitty behaviour. I'm not victim blaming because he had no choice he was poor full of depts and lots of sa trauma with none on his side. But you never give up and let things be.

[collapse]
<<less
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hollybrook0145
hollybrook0145 rated it
October 5, 2024
Status: Completed
It's one hell of a roller coaster ride of anger, sadness, pain, and overall angst. The writing style is good, the author really found ways to detail the angst of the plot around the characters. It's just that the epilogue ruined it for me. I'm really throwing fists, it lacks so much effort it's not enough to conclude the story. But I kinda get why the author chose to give us a normal ending. There's nothing to be happy about everything that the MC went through. I wish the author... more>> could've written side stories where they are growing together not just as a couple, but also as a human. Overall, I enjoyed how it finished me than how I finished the novel lol.

    • ML is still not capable of changing anytime, and so is the MC.
      Spoiler

      ML's POV that "people don't change so easily" is so fitting for both of them. MC has suffered from ML's sadistic madness and is still traumatized, despite receiving princess treatment and gifts. ML also has a dark traumatic past that shaped him from what he is now. They must overcome obstacles to achieve a genuine happy ending meant for them.

      [collapse]

    • Communication Miscommunication is a common trope in BL stories. The MC needs to learn to communicate with ML, despite keeping a safe distance. He should communicate his fears and worries, caused by 50% of ML, to help both of them to grow for the better. Both characters have their own reasons for being stubborn.
    • Ending is rushed The ending of the novel is rushed and unsatisfactory, leaving me feeling frustrated (but ofc the MC's story is way too frustrating to bear I shed tears). It lacks sufficient conclusion on whether MC is finally healing from his traumatic past and from the ML, or if MC can open his heart for ML again. It hurts reading both of their POVs knowing they are each other's first love despite the unrequited love on the first part of the story. The ending fails to provide answers to lingering doubts and questions throughout the novel.
Highly recommended? Yes, if you want to ruin your day go ahead. <<less
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Vroomm
Vroomm rated it
May 27, 2025
Status: Completed
So much to talk about... but its so hard to put it into words. First of all I think this has a bad ending, they do end up together but the ab*se is still very visible. I find it interesting that the MCs POV (main story) was portrayed in a such suffocating way, and the MLs POV (side story) to be so... casual. And tbh? I really liked that, pov of the victim as well as the ab*ser.

I read the main story but only a little of the side story.

About... more>> the ML, I think he was genuinely a psychopath, though there was none mention of him being mentally ill. He is extremely obsessed with MC not in a romantic way... but in a lustful way ig. He takes pleasure in MCs submission and suffering by his hands. Sometimes I just think is this ML dumb? And it just clicked for me that he’s probably a psycho, not dumb. At a point when the MC broke down because of the ab*se, the ML was SURPRISED. What did he expect to come from all of that ab*se? His ability to be empathetic is none, and he’s aware of this. He casually mentions it in his pov that he’s aware of the struggle MC went thru, but he simply doesn’t care. He’s basically a peace of sh*t who thrives in submission, cause he did mention that the people around him “doesnt act arrogant”, but ig he particularly likes the MC. Also, I find it weird that hes exclusive to MC, at some point he said something that proved that he never messed with anyone else when he was freaking the MC. idk if thats just the author’s taste or what cause it felt a bit... uncharacteristic for someone with such personality, especially cause in the past he was notorious for cheating, and did date (and only date I think) girls when he was with MC. It’s like the author is making the MC somewhat special to ML ig, but this whole time he treated him like tr*sh lol. In my mind it was screaming “im a douchebag ML but at least I dont cheat!!!” Which is frustrating to me cause how are you gonna do all of that and think cheating is something even worse, that you wouldnt do it to MC? but take that as you will.

As for the MC, as much as I pity him... he is not likeable. Ive always thought he didnt resist against the ML as much, but now I've concluded that its understandable. People react differently to ab*se, some resist more and some dont. I have to say that he is determined to live, determined to run away? yes but... MC likes the ML even after all of that. Although no doubt is he mentally strong going through all the ab*se, he is a doormat. His personality was literally submissive and compliant, probably from the environment he grew up in. Of course theres nothing wrong with it... victim blaming is foul, im simply stating that he is a doormat. I just couldnt like him much, all I see is a character brimmed with tragedy. I see no quality that I could like within him... and I know its probably because of the life he went through, but the story feels like its just about the ab*se he went through, which it kind of is. And because of that theres no incident or quality that makes me like him, cause all of it is simply about how he went through the ab*se. I feel like author could’ve written more past the ab*se, they did write the ptsd often but I feel like it rarely gets focused on... I wished they went heavier on the psychological aspect because ab*se really gets to your head.

In summary, imo this is.. a very unsatisfying read. I do like how the author doesnt hold back explaining the ab*se, you genuinely grimace reading it. But at the end of the day, nothing much happened. The plot can be summarized in one sentence. Guy gets into an abusive relationship and is stuck in it till the very end. If you like a story full of SA and ab*se (portrayed gruesomely/realisticly), then ig this is for you. Its definitely not for me, but im giving stars for the TL. <<less
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