At fifteen, her heart fluttered with a first crush. In college, it ached with her first love. Now, Han Ga-young’s heart aches for only one person—Yoon Taemin. For years, she’s harbored feelings for him, unable to even consider anyone else. Hiding such a deep love is a lonely struggle no one else can understand. She knows she must endure the pain, because if her feelings are revealed, everything between them could shatter.

***

Her lips, which had been trembling, finally parted in a quiet whisper.

“I… I just want us to be able to see each other for a long, long time.”

“For a long, long time?”

“Yeah. But for that to happen… we need to…”

“Not that! Tell me how you really feel. What’s really the problem?”

“I’m scared.”

Taemin’s mouth fell open at Gayoung’s unexpected words.

“What?”

“I’m afraid I’ll end up like your other women. That I’ll just stay by your side for a while and then get left behind.”

So that was it? Only then did Taemin finally understand why Gayoung had acted the way she did. That was it.

“Han Gayoung.”

“I could end up like that, couldn’t I? I mean, I’m the one you’re with now, so it’s not like we’d break up because of someone else. But if I ever asked to break up, you wouldn’t even look back. And then… we’d never see each other again, right?”

Terror washed over Gayoung’s face. The thought that she could lose Taemin, whom she’d kept in her heart for fifteen years, in an instant like that was even more frightening than the idea of him loving someone else.

“Do you still not understand?”

“I really don’t know. Just having these thoughts is exhausting. If we just stayed friends…”

“Do you really think we could stay friends forever? You want to kill your feelings and just stay by my side for a long time like that? Watching me meet other women, watching you meet other men, and just slowly drifting apart?”

Her hands, clenched tightly in her lap, were turning white. Taemin took her hands, pressed his lips to her fingertips, and held them to his chest.

“Can you feel it?”

Gayoung could feel Taemin’s heart pounding fiercely against her palm.

“My heart races like crazy every time I see you. I only realized recently why I could walk away from other women so easily. Why I couldn’t even stand to hear your name, why I insisted on coming to Seollem and acting that way in front of you. I’m sorry I realized it so late. So let’s try. How will we ever know if we don’t even try?”

“Taemin.”

“If we regret it later, at least we won’t have any lingering what-ifs, right?”

Gayoung squeezed her eyes shut, then slowly opened them and answered.

“Okay.”

Yeah. Even if we end up regretting it, just this once… just this one time, I’ll close my eyes and take the leap.

Taemin squeezed Gayoung’s hand tightly.

The thrill of being with her. The thrill of being with you.

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