Before My Withering

Description

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“Nobody likes an old plaything.”

“It’s not like, it’s love.”

Associated Names
One entry per line
Before It Shrivels
枯萎之前
Related Series
N/A
Recommendations
Surrender (2)
Flickering (1)
Quick Transmigration: I’m Almost Dead (1)
Break Up, Next (1)
Everyone Loves Pei JiYu (1)
Muted (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Not Bad, Not Great.
  2. TBR (GL/BL) 5
  3. BEST NOVEL ~ BL
  4. Comprehensive list of alll bl
  5. you are the life i needed all along

Latest Release

Date Group Release
01/03/22 Abo Dammen extra 2
01/03/22 Abo Dammen extra 1
12/30/21 Abo Dammen c44
12/30/21 Abo Dammen c43
12/24/21 Abo Dammen c42
12/24/21 Abo Dammen c41
12/24/21 Chrysanthemum Garden c39
12/24/21 Abo Dammen c40
12/24/21 Abo Dammen c39
12/18/21 Abo Dammen c38
12/18/21 Abo Dammen c37
12/18/21 Abo Dammen c36
12/09/21 Abo Dammen c35
12/09/21 Abo Dammen c34
12/09/21 Abo Dammen c33
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43 Reviews sorted by


Simonye
Simonye rated it
December 17, 2022
Status: --
Starting good, angst on point. Then it went down hill..

Is just that, its not chasing crematorium per se, its just healing story.

So that's why its down hill... But consider it only 44 chapter, well its an OK read. 🗿 <-- literally my face after finished the book.
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hycave
hycave rated it
December 17, 2022
Status: Completed
I'm so glad I didn't know who the ML was going into this novel. It makes reading much more fun when I had to keep guessing who the ML was and I was so happy when I realize our ML is the ML. The novel is full of angst. Make me cry a few times. So, I was so happy the MC finally get the happiness he deserves.
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Vanlatte
Vanlatte rated it
June 5, 2022
Status: Completed
First of all, the translation is top notch. Thank you so much, translator.

As for the story itself, at first I thought only Qi Shu is mentally ill. But around chapter 20s, I realized all of them are (except side chars who aren't related to plot). Although subtle and not as extreme as Qi Shu. Why I said that? Because as I read, I sense a kind of incongruity with the characters' actions.

... more>>
Spoiler

Imo, MC is not lovable at all. But ML has this kind of patience and willing to hurt himself because of MC. It's too sudden and the author fails to make me understand / see why ML did so until the end. That's why I said there's a sense of incongruity.

MC is also weird. He came back to Qi Shu, then suddenly grow an unprecedented courage that never happen before to fool Qi Shu and he succeeded. My question is, 'Really, MC? What're you doing this whole time even though you can actually use your brain?'

But then again, this hurt ML and actually not a wise decision. Also, OOC. Author never mentions this again btw so I think ML never knows that MC is actually deliberate.

When you read this novel and get to know the characters, I think you'll sense the oddity of their actions and choices.

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** Minus one star because of MC.

The author fails to make me see what's so good about MC. Everyone loves him and takes care of him (except Qi Shu, of course), but why? I don't even feel pity towards MC (sounds cold, but MC made his own choices soberly. No one force nor fool him).

As other reviewers before me said, MC has no back bone. He got ML but dangled him with every reason that's just reason (yeah, he had trauma but his behaviour really really really made ML hopeful). And those behaviour in turn also hurt ML. Then when ML backed-off, MC suddenly realized he loved him after he found ML's secrets. MC is too fickle imo.

** minus the other star because too much (unnecessary) drama

Can't say much because it's too big of spoilers. It's cliche. And makes me more sure that almost all of them are mentally deranged.

######

To be honest most of the story doesn't make me feel much. It's only the part of Qi Shu and MC's interactions that made me ache.

The rest has a feeling of 'unreal-ness' that's too glaring in my eyes. Maybe you can call it plot holes. Especially when MC and ML got together. It's not like I don't accept they become a couple, but... *sigh, I feels like I'd be attacked if I said "..., but it's questionable".

Anyway, maybe it's because there's no built-up interactions between MC and ML as ML's love is too sudden and MC's acceptance is questionable even though there's this line in MC's mind, "Is this love?" (might not be the exact words). Or maybe it's because their personalities (in my wording: 'not right in the head' as I mentioned before). Or maybe it's just my subjective stance.

That's why I don't minus the star for this case. Because it's kinda too subjective.

All in all, it's an okay read. Most of the time my expression was._. (no feeling, can't connect/relate with the characters). High chance I won't re-read. <<less
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Fluffy From Flufferland
Fluffy From Flufferland rated it
June 3, 2022
Status: Completed
This is a wonderful novel.

Usually these type of angst ends with the MC dying and the guy regretting it.

But this is a novel about healing and finding true love. I love both the ML and MC.

... more>> The development of feelings were very spontaneous and did not feel too clichéd even though some parts were a little cliché.

It was one of the best picks for an angst lover like me and trust me I've read a lot of angst so this book deserves to be placed on a high pedestal and given a prize.

I'm really grateful for the translator for picking this up and I really love the writing and the author's portrayal of characters and feelings.

The emotional turmoil of the MC had been written beautifully.

Honestly comments that say he's dumb and obsessed with cleanliness are given with wrongful and immature mindset. I was honestly baffled to see how they don't even understand why MC was obsessed with him being clean.

He was never loved and spent his whole life until he met ML being ab*sed.

It takes twenty one days to form a habit and he was gaslighted by that s*um for four whole years, demeaned, ab*sed physically and mentally leading to depression.

I understand him very well since I've been there and know that feeling so honestly I feel so irritated reading comments about him being dumb and obsessed with cleanliness. (To those of that opinion: He was still recovering from depression FYI)

Also when one loves someone whole heartedly they would want to give their all - whole being to that person and having a body battered by a s*um previously and with that scum's gaslighting it would honestly be more surprising if he felt alright with moving on so soon and go 'oh he likes me so I can just jump into his arms right this sec'. Like... Be real ppl.

The ML also had his fair share of troubles so he found salvation in MC. Love comes in all forms and if his behaviour seemed stalker ish then that will be some people's sole opinion. I did not even think he was being one, he simply wanted to know if the MC was doing well at first.

Honestly these comments bashing MC pissed me off a lot. If you can't understand basic human psychology please do not comment.

I even think the book might be written by an author who was either in/known such a situation or has a degree in psychiatry.

Venting aside, this is a really good emotionally healing book. Normally I would feel the flow artificial when MC heals from such ab*se but this was so natural and easily became my favourite.

Do give it a try if you are a angst lover and also those who prefer a good romance and a story about healing. <<less
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Give.Me.A.Piece.Of.Cake
Give.Me.A.Piece.Of.Cake rated it
May 31, 2022
Status: c33
1 Star for the translator doing a good job at translating. The only toxic person in this novel is the MC. I don't know what is wrong with him but he's pretty much a hypocrite:

He sold himself to the s*um gong (s*um ml) in hope that this s*um will fall in love with him but after many years he never got the love he wanted so he called it quit. HOWEVER, he met the second ML and refused to accept second ML feelings at first because he kept complaining about... more>> not being "clean" anymore. He acts like woman who got gangbang for many years, lol. The s*um gong didn't even sold him off the only person he had s*x with was s*um gong but he kept complaining about being "clean" after he had a second love. I was like b*tch, you gonna wanna be clean when you have a third love and fourth love or what? Overall, the MC acts like a little girl who want to be "clean" again after falling in love a second time as if he was not the one who sold himself to the s*um gong. I mean, if he cared so much about being "clean" why did he bothered to sell himself to the s*um gong (nothing force the MC he willingly do it himself) and now he's complaining about wanting to be "clean"? What a hypocrite.

Like I said, the only toxic person in this story is the MC.... he made all the decision himself but still blame his misfortunate on his fate of not meeting the second ML first like b*tch you met him a long time ago but you were lusting after the s*um gong and even sold yourself so what are you complaining about. All your sufferings and withering are just a façade you put on to pretend to be a pitiful MC (what a white lotus). I totally do not recommend this novel. <<less
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msbwhy
msbwhy rated it
March 6, 2022
Status: Completed
Normally, I wouldn't read this kind of angsty story. But I was too bored and decided to give it a try (especially since ppl said it's HE & MC...

... more>>
Spoiler

won't be together with his s*um partner)

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Moving on....

This story is very very heart wrenching. And it's also written from Xiao Yu (MC) 's POV. You can see all of his inferiority, fear, sadness... He just didn't know how to properly go away from his toxic relationship with Qi Shu. For a short story, there is no unnecessary filler, every problem (especially between Xiao Yu & Qi Shu) is settled quite nicely.

And all the characters are very well written (exceot Wen Ziqing, idk what the hell is wrong with him but good thing the author didn't explore much about him since this story is viewed from Xiao Yu's POV) I mean some of the supposed villain (like Qi Shu) wasn't overly evil. Qi Shu, the cruel and abusive guy, realized that he has done very bad things to Xiao Yu, and knew he has to let him go. There was no unnecessary drama so it didn't feel too much or too dog blooded ^^ and Wen Yan? The supposed "white moonlight" of Qi Shu? Nope, it's nothing. It's just...
Spoiler

a misunderstanding from Xiao Yu's POV. He thought Qi Shu likes Wen Yan but it didn't seem like it...

[collapse]
plus Wen Yan is so kind & nice to Xiao Yu ❤️ and Xu Xingzhe?? Definitely one of the best best friend ever. I'm glad he stayed with Xiao Yu in some of his difficult times.

Aaaaand Xiao Yu is finally living is happy life with Zhou Chen... They're so good together, and I like that Xiao Yu didn't let himself drowned in overthinking & inferiority. He knew that he is loved, and he is willing to embrace Zhou Chen's love for the rest of his life.

Also. The cat in the extra story looks super funny and adorable xD I love it! <<less
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Xiu_er
Xiu_er rated it
January 24, 2022
Status: Completed
F***ing gosh. I cried so much I got a headache as a result of it. So much dog blood... So much dog blood compressed into such a short story...

There is not any real world-building or descriptions of surroundings so you are free to make up your own background images. The novel is more plot and character driven so you don't necessarily notice the lack of descriptive details. Well, at least I barely noticed it since I was busy bawling my eyes out.

There are some minor inconsistencies that bothered me a... more>> bit which is not really important perse, just a bit confusing. It might also just be a translation mistake. I mean, in the beginning it is mentioned that the MC majored in the qin, but then ended up playing cello for an orchestra? Both may be string instruments, but are far from being the same thing.

I was also confused about his roommate's major after that, especially when the roommate sang during that New Year performance thingy. But the still went back to painting so the singing bit is still excusable as a hobby, I guess.

Either way, I am glad that the MC got together with the gentle and doting ML. The broken MC really needed someone like him to help recover from all the past trauma and physical problems.

As for the ex... Qi Shu... My feelings are complicated. While I understand his reasoning and motives after getting his pov, I still don't like his actions. His reasons were never and will never be a good excuse for being abusive. So his ending is quite fitting imo. He got to experience mental and physical pain. Karma did him good.

Summing up, if you are into experiencing a dog blood festival and/or a masochist, you are at the right address. <<less
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CrossMyHeart
CrossMyHeart rated it
January 12, 2022
Status: Completed
This is a story of knives so if you're looking for an easy, smooth ride, this story definitely isn't for you. However, if you like angst and can handle triggers (including gaslighting and manipulation, ab*se, r*pe, miscarriage) I would consider reading this.

Summary: Xiao Yu (MC) is a beta who fell in love with a rich boy at a young age but knows that this person is in love with an omega. As a result, he allows himself to be a physical body for this person to have s*x with which... more>> eventually turns into ab*se. He spends years with this scumdog and even undergoes surgery to become an omega. However, it turns out he is not compatible with the omega glands and his body is rejecting it so he is slowly dying. Regardless, he decides to stay by this person's side and he even becomes pregnant and wants to have this child as proof of his love. During this time, he meets a doctor, Zhou Chen, (ML) who turns out to be the ab*ser's cousin but wants him to get better. The CP heal while dealing with the ab*ser and other people who don't want them to be together.

But even with the ab*se, things get even more dogblooded and dramatic throughout the novel which is why I would only give this story a 4/5. There were certainly many moments that are sweet between the CP, particularly with the ML taking care of the MC's feelings and the MC growing a backbone (even if it doesn't seem like it at times).

The aspects I really enjoyed about this novel include the discussion of the MC being a beta and becoming okay with the idea of that. He spends so much time longing to be an omega thinking that's what he needs to be loved and his time with the ML allows him to realize that he deserves love regardless of that. I also think that the author did a good job of exploring many of the MC's thoughts. The gaslighting and emotional manipulation he went through affected many of his actions and while I wouldn't make those same choices, it gave me insight into someone with this kind of mindset. He's really tragic and doing his best. But the ML is pretty great! He's probably the best character in the entire novel.

Plot spoilers:

Spoiler
  • The MC has a miscarriage (caused by the ex) and the ML is super sweet in that he saves the fetus' ashes and keeps it in a locket for the MC. But the scumdog ex actually has the audacity to throw it away in a fit of jealousy! This part made me cry a lot because although the MC didn't love the ex anymore, he loved that child and he couldn't even keep the ashes. This was actually the part of the story that hurt me the most
  • Something that doesn't quite sit well with me: the scumdog ex seems to actually like the MC despite the absolutely awful way he treats him? The 'moonlight' he had was actually just a friend who didn't want him at all and the scumdog truly always wanted the MC but in an obsessive manner. The author tries to give him a redemption with the ending as well as some diary entries in the extras but it left a bitter taste in my mouth because I just couldn't see him in a positive light. Still, it gave him some emotional depth. My biggest issue with him is that he's actually surprised that the MC wants to leave him when it's pretty clear that he treats the MC like less than a human being. He has no EQ and is a very selfish person (though he kinda improves)
  • ML has actually always been in love with the MC and went away years ago because he couldn't bear to see the MC with his cousin (knowing that the MC was madly in love with him). He's very considerate and always tries to allow the MC to do what he wants, supporting him in his decisions. However, I did notice that despite him being a doctor, he doesn't actually do that many medical things in this? There's more issues with him inheriting the company so he's more like a businessman for the majority of the novel which threw me off considering how he is supposed to heal the MC.
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I had very mixed feelings while reading this novel as it's very dramatic and dogblooded, but I did enjoy looking at the MC's mind throughout everything. And of course the CP are great (though in reality, we don't actually see them together for very long with all that happens) and I enjoyed seeing the trust grow between them. This story is not for everyone, but if you're into angst, you should check it out and gather your own thoughts. Also much thanks to the translator! <<less
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RedMochI
RedMochI rated it
January 6, 2022
Status: Completed
this is not a review done well. Just my pent up emotions regarding this novel.

I have read many angst but nothing has made me cry like this.

My heart ached not only for the MC but also for the scum.

... more>> They two were in love, unlike what they thought of all these gold digger and worthless stuff. But they just didn't know how to love.

MC loved so dearly and blindly that he completely disregarded himself at the beginning.

s*um loved too. But his obsessive nature only showed him a side of the story.

We were able to see the character growth of all character and a hidden side to all of them, adding in flavour to the book.

All of them deserve love.

Although there should not be any justification for the scum, I still hope that Qi would be able wake up in a different timeline before anything major happens and show his love properly.

Love is defined and expressed (not giving excuses for the s*um at all, he should be alone for his whole life) in many ways and they were just a couple who met at the right time with a wrong start. <<less
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Darla9999
Darla9999
December 10, 2021
Status: --
This so dramatic

Like telenovela dramas but 12× times worse and it draggs on so much

The pro is this story is a Beta and Alpha one

Spoiler

Beta are able to get pregnant and also surprise the gong isnt the ML

The ML is the Doctor

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AllShipper
AllShipper rated it
February 19, 2025
Status: Completed
Hmm. This was good. I also have mixed feelings. I dislike QS and was rooting hard for ZC. I don't care what the writer's intentions was trying to somehow get QS feelings across to us but I couldn't give a damn. He's mentally sick. And I'm saying this as someone who's a fan of dogblood, wife chasing crematorium arc, but he's shit. He almost killed the MC fgs. And that kidnapping almost sacrificial incident was absolutely UNNECESSARY!

As for ZC, I was also rooting for him. But the childhood or stalkish... more>> thing was kinda... creepy? His original image also changed towards the end. And at a point, I was wondering if the MC really loved him.

As for the MC, I think he was realistically written as an abusive relationship victim. Although, I still think he has no back bone. I also don't think his healing process was valid. He 'healed' by depending on another person. ZC could have hired another doctor for him actually. And I don't think he 'healed' in the right way.

Like I said, I have mixed feelings. I like ZC but I think the author likes QS for the MC and wanted to give him redemption, so there were clashes of feelings, which I dislike. I'm not entirely satisfied by something. Some plot weren't necessary. The healing process wasn't realistically done.

Good translation though. <<less
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Novelreader 22102
Novelreader 22102 rated it
September 12, 2023
Status: extra 2
A better rating would be 3.5. The story was really good but there were a few things I didnt like.

It's not the MC's character (as so many people pointed out), I feel that he acts like an ab*se victim who has lost all hope. The translator also provides great insight into his mental state and abt the push and pull method s*um ML (Qi shu) does that keeps MC hanging. MC believes that what they have is what he wants as he has never known anything else; this is his... more>> first relationship. And after 4 years of physical and mental ab*se it would be a surprise if he was a strong MC. But there is something I didnt like abt the MC and that is how he kept hanging ML on.

Spoiler

I understand that MC doesnt see value in himself and so he doesnt want to believe ML wants to date him but even at the end when MC and ML are at the hospital, ML takes on Qi Shu's work as he is unable to do it (as a favour for qi shu) and he is therefore very busy and MC just spends every waking moment at Qi shu's bedside. When he realises ML might be jealous he tells ML that 'you need to let me kno if im doing something wrong' which is so s*upid because he himself agrees that he would be angry if ML even mentions an ex. He then proceeds to get angry at ML when ML asks if MC still wants to return to Qi shu. Even after this convo MC is described to have been visiting Qi shu :|

[collapse]

Its not the ML either. His love might seem creepy but he never approached the MC. Its true that he kept videos and records of MC and its true that he knew MC from when MC was really young but ML never tried to make the MC date him. It was fate that MC ended up going to the hospital where ML was practising.

Its actually the s*um ML (Qi Shu) and the last few chapters (kidnapping & his sacrifice) thats the issue. There are times I wonder why do authors make all exes evil, why do they all have to have bad breakups, why do exes never part on good terms.. But for this novel its necessary that we establish that Qi shu is a villain. He is toxic, manipulative, mentally and physically abusive to the MC. Yet the author makes him and the MC meet multiple times after they break up (when she should have let my poor MC heal well), and each time she shows us that Qi shu is trying to change and seems to want us to believe that Qi Shu is a pitiful and sorry figure (he just doesnt know how to love healthily).
Spoiler

At the end MC gets kidnapped (very cliche) and ML rescues MC but Qi Shu ends up injured trying to rescue MC (wow how shocking) and I hate that she did that. Qi Shu ended up as such a sorry figure that MC and ML seems to just forget how bad he is. MC even forgiving him :|

[collapse]

I also dont like wen yan

Spoiler

He knew all along what kind of person Qi shu was. Yet never once did he even try to tell MC in the beginning. This would be fine if wen yan isnt a recurring character who seems to have no guilt and never once says sorry that I never warned you btw

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overall its an ok read. Its very short so even though I was bored I kept reading. I also knew abt the whole kidnapping thing before I started reading but I thought the other reviewers were exaggerating (they werent) cos how bad can it be right? Well turns out it was really bad. Wouldnt reread it tho. <<less
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Potatoteeth
Potatoteeth rated it
September 16, 2022
Status: Completed
Full marks for realism, especially the part where the ab*ser is served no legal consequences. The happy ending is the miracle. I am happy for this appropriate dash of unrealism. In light of the vivid emotional realities being depicted, the random dog blood can be forgiven. Don't read if you like light, cute stories. 5 stars.
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aoikotoba
aoikotoba rated it
June 5, 2022
Status: c33
Salute to the translators for the translation. Just that... I came here for an immense amount of the s*um gong groveling and going to hell and back to win the MC but I didn't get that. The story is good but I love hurting myself. And I'm not really that fond of MC's ending up with the second male leads so yup. And I agree with that one review, the MC is somewhat a Mary Sue.
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Yizhan angel
Yizhan angel rated it
May 28, 2022
Status: Completed
Trust me it's 5 star book. You won't regret. It has angst but overall happy ending. Satisfying read. They both loved him deeply. Communication gap can lead lifelong misunderstandings, trust me beast is human in the end. But am happy little yu choose best one. You can relate to this book. Just don't read comments and skip this gem. I wint justify anyone, but in the ended up pardoning beast. Good reading ❤️
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shuulys
shuulys rated it
March 24, 2022
Status: Completed
phew... Thank god that the angst wasn't too long and that there were many cute scenes between ... more>>
Spoiler

XiaoYu and ZhouChen! Also, the HE is between XiaoYu and ZhouChen so worry not, QiShu is not going to be XiaoYu's bf.

Glad that XiaoYu 'forgave' QiShu and decided to move on to start a new relationship with ZhouChen because that a**hole QiShu don't deserve any spot in his heart!!

Lastly, I can't understand how people can feel bad for QiShu. He claims that he love XiaoYu but all he did was enact violence on him and ab*se him both mentally and physically. What kind of love is that even????? His inability to communicate, understand and love is what caused him to end up like that. For 4 years he did not bother to reflect on himself and constantly ab*se XiaoYu, I seriously can't see in which way does he love him. Serves him right. Plus WenYan claims to be a close (?) senior to XiaoYu and also knows QiShu well. Why didn't he say anything or help XiaoYu even after he saw XiaoYu in such a bad state???? Gosh so pissed ://

[collapse]
<<less
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Nah
Nah rated it
March 13, 2022
Status: Completed
I love angst with HE. This novel so satisfying! My heart ached but I don't hate this feeling.
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shinichilove
shinichilove rated it
January 14, 2022
Status: Completed
After binge reading this, I have to get an ice pack for my swollen eyes.

The story starts painful and I can't help but cry for MC, fortunately a kind sir is devoted and soon takes care of him.

It may not be the best out there, and I also felt annoyed at all the angsty drama occasionally thrown to our MC (let him be happy!!囧) but I enjoyed the ride.
Spoiler

I like how their romance started slow, ML focused more on helping MC heal at first. It made it seem more realistic to me and I could appreciate their romance more later due to this fact showing ML's true love and devotion to our MC.

[collapse]

Spoiler

There are scenes of domestic ab*se, blood, thoughts of su*cide, and violence so if your are easily triggered by one of these things I would suggest not reading this lightly.

[collapse]

I seem to be a little masochistic these days wanting to read such angst and drama novels 囧.

10/10 please give it a try and cry as I have. _: (´ཀ`」 ∠) :
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Essence45
Essence45 rated it
February 20, 2025
Status: Completed
This is drama purely for the sake of drama. The novel focuses entirely on MC's relationships with very little/no elaboration on world-building, developing the characters, and plot. Characters feel very stereotypical. MC's lack of communication is frustrating, although I understand it is hard to speak up when you've been in an abusive relationship. He also seems to always need saving.
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AriaDith
AriaDith rated it
October 9, 2022
Status: Completed
Aahh >.<

I'm really happy that this story have a happy ending!!!

I had put off this novel for a long time because of the tags "drama", "pschological", and "tragic past".

I cried but it's worthy to just brace myself to read ╥﹏╥

I liked the way ZC treats XY, he loved him very much but ... more>>
Spoiler

also willing to let XY go if he wants to leave ಥ_ಥ

I really thought that XY will end up with QS (´・ω・)

But thank goodness itu is not! Hahaha

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Anyway you have to prepare youself to cry if you want to read this novel, but it will give you a HE ≧﹏≦ <<less
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