sacrifice himself for the world that has done nothing good to him

In the beginning, An Zhe has no clear understanding of why the human race is so adamant about living. After all, his sole reason for turning into a human and venturing to the unfamiliar human base is to get his spore back after unexpectedly losing it to a human.

He then meets Lu Feng, who also introduces to An Zhe the rare and foreign emotion named hatred--in the form of people's anguish thoughts and opinions about him. An Zhe is aware that as a mushroom, he is not much of a complex species. His goal as an existent being is to produce a spore and nurture that spore until he dies. But in his journey to the Lighthouse, which he deduces is where his precious spore is located, he learns that humans aren't as simple as he thinks.

The human base is chaotic, much like the Abyss, but unlike creatures and monsters An Zhe has encountered as a mushroom, the emotions humans feel are too complicated for him to comprehend. There are fearless and fearful humans. Some of them are hopeful while others have already lost faith. He's met curious individuals--scientists like Dr. Ji, children like Lily, and people outside the base like Xi Bei.

Then arrives Lu Feng, who, in contrast with what An Zhe has seen so far, is much more difficult to read. He is cold, emotionless, and cruel, as most people define him. He is an unpredictable man. An Zhe even fears him at first, but he ultimately surmises that Lu Feng is a good person when the colonel doesn't kill him despite his suspicions that An Zhe may be xenogenic. Lu Feng is calculative, quick-witted, and precise. And though he is deemed grim as a Judge at the human base, he is equally just as fragile as most of mankind.

Shi Si provides detailed information about the string theory and how humans and other organisms are made of frequencies through Pauli Jones (or Polly Joan, as the TL translated it), allowing readers to understand the concept of the plot's resolution as the novel reaches the end.

The side characters keep on dying one by one and I'm honestly not surprised if Lu Feng likes An Zhe at first because of his, sort of, loftiness, I think. Or maybe it's otherworldliness, instead? They kept saying he's just an observer and he looks very calm despite all the chaos. — The way he acted nonchalant to human lives but also slowly gets saddened by it in his own way... And eventually sacrificing himself to protect it. The way people around him kept getting killed off by Lu Feng himself, but An Zhe still sticks with him to the very end and says he's a kind person. Every time.

The colonel has been lonely for a long time. He holds the weight of the life-and-death scales on his hands and back like it's nothing. He is the Adjudicator, the Arbiter, and the Ultimate Judge amongst all judges themselves. His judgement is never wrong, but it is also because of that that everyone questions him.

He gives his all for humans' interests, not for one but for the whole of humanity itself. He never second-guesses his decisions, never hesitates, his power ultimate. He starts and ends chaos, ensuring safety and madness everywhere he go. He is the harbinger of chaos itself, you might say so.

He lost his father, mother and his lover, almost. He almost lose everyone he holds dear to him, and still he upholds the humans' interests high, willing to betray and kill anyone for it. (Ah, I swear I'm gonna cry. This is why you shouldn't write reviews and finish a story immediately. I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A REVIEW THIS EMOTIONALLY, I SWEAR.)

I need to stop. I really need to stop. (Also me: I'mma torture myself a bit more.)

This man killed his father, his mother, and yet saved his lover many times also. He blew up a city mercilessly, cleaned up an entire base filled with monsters with his life on the highest risk of dying, slaughtered any xenogeneic beings for seven f*cking years, and betrayed his (not-yet) lover's trust by injecting a tracker in him.

It was all because; humans' interests precedes all else.

I audibly said "that's dedication" when he hunted down his mom. I know she had lost her mind and turned but still. Like damn. That was when I knew he must have been down bad for MC because while him and his mom didn't have the best relationship, they were still on good terms and he obviously cared for her.

Like when he hunted down MC but made no actual move to turn him in. Eventually he had to call the base for an unrelated emergency regarding the plot but the author never forced into a situation where he was confronted with reinforcement and the MC because the MC took the initiative to leave the ML. He got away with an inaction. At the same time considering Lu Feng's characterization that was something big tbh

The MC was a mushroom, and never lived in a society, so he was made unfeeling and this, THIS frustraded me so much. It was like he was a cannon fodder, useless and boring person. And then we have the ML, who just like in most BL stories is cold and no one approaches him. Very well, what a boring pair. I was expecting a lot of action and battles from this novel, deep friendships and a nice development. And that was why I kept reading this book. I was expecting the MC to get a lot of empathy and develop a lot of emotions. But as the numbers of stars given may spoil, he didn't. Even by the end of the novel he still didn't know how to express himself very well. OK, at least he must be strong, right? He is not. Oof. This novel reminds me of slice of life when it comes to the two protagonists, if you forget the world ending and the tragedys happening on the background of course. Anyway, it's probably my tastes who just were incompatible with the novel rather than it being the books fault. So feel free to read it. Don't let my thoughts influence you that much.

There was a part that really gross me out. At the end of the novel, the little spore was literally traumatized from what the researchers were doing to him and was hiding in MLs clothes. The ML's research friend joked "oh I won't cut you up today, don't worry." Like bit*h am I suppose to find that funny. It was infuriating knowing ML allowed this.

They literally cut him up into little pieces, electrocuted him, injected him with virus. All of this just gets glossed over like it's not a big deal.

In one of the extra, the MC complains about how badly his spores was treated and ML not once show remorse. If there was another breakout, I wouldn't be surprise if ML give the okay to throw MC in to a blender to save humanity.